Recovery Means Learning to Love Yourself Again

What does self-love really mean in recovery? In this episode, we explore the differences among self-love, selfishness, and self-sabotage, and why caring for yourself is essential to protecting your sobriety.

We discuss the honesty and accountability recovery requires, the discomfort many people feel when they hear the word "self-love," and how setting healthy boundaries can help you break patterns such as people-pleasing and negative self-talk. From small daily acts of self-care to choosing your healing one decision at a time, this conversation is a reminder that recovery isn’t about perfection; it’s about learning to value yourself and your future.

If you’ve ever struggled to believe you’re worthy of recovery, this episode is for you.

AAC Thrive: Doing Life in Recovery is a podcast from American Addiction Centers' Alumni Community, where we have honest conversations about what recovery really looks like after treatment. Subscribe for new episodes and share this one with someone who could use the reminder that recovery doesn't take a vacation.

Transcript

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We are going to talk about something really amazing. And it is self-love in recovery. Yeah. And uh that is one thing that I have to work on all the time is to learn to constantly love myself. So when when we go into recovery and we start to look at getting sober, um it takes a lot of honesty. We have to be honest with ourselves. We have to then say, you know, I've got to start, you know, looking at myself and being accountable. And if we start to be honest with ourselves and we start to get accountable, it can be very uncomfortable because a lot of us in recovery, you know, we we've got blind spots. And um, and it's really difficult if we're not honest with ourselves, you know, and it's when we talk about self-love, a lot of people get it mixed up uh and think that taking care of ourselves is being selfish. But there is a difference between being narcissistic and actually loving ourselves. And when we talk about self-love and we're really looking at how to love ourselves, we we are looking at our self-worth and how we value ourselves. Okay. And if we don't value ourselves and we don't have self-worth, we can't protect our recovery. And when we start to look at the things that we really value and what we will lose if we don't actually practice self-love, that's when the shift happens. Okay, so when we say the word self-love and I say the word self-love, I want you to just sit with it for a second and ask yourself, you know, what you feel. A lot of us can feel, you know, I don't know, selfish, discomfort, confusion. Uh, some people can feel angry when they hear self-love. Some people may, you know, just be like, oh man, that person is so selfish or they're so cocky. Um, I get used to, I when I started to set boundaries, people used to say I was arrogant because I would not people please anymore, and people would get offended by that. So I want you to sit with that and see how you feel with that word. And then ask yourself, what is it? Why? Why do you feel uncomfortable with the word self-love? Now I know you know we're not taught to love ourselves, and we think by loving ourselves, like I said, as you know, uh posting selfies all day and you know, uh just doing all these obnoxious things, but self-love has nothing to do with that. Okay, it's not about it's about caring for ourselves, it's about hygiene, it's about eating correctly, it's about exercising correctly, it's not about slipping into this whole, you know, vanity thing. That is not self-love. Okay, so so I'd like you to kind of understand that and move that, right? So here's the important thing, right? You know, when we say self-love and and it's being framed incorrectly, remember it's not about ego perfection, it's about respect and care, caring for ourselves honestly. Okay. And you know, a lot of people feel guilty and feel shame when they hear self-love. I I used to always get it confused as well in my sobriety. Okay. Setting boundaries is the most important thing and making healthy choices. And a lot of the time, you know, we're all people pleasers. Most addicts I know, actually, most people I know are people pleasers. Um it's very hard to find the balance to set a boundary, not be a people pleaser, and then not be a complete narcissist. Because some people are the extreme. They don't people please, but they're horrible to be around. And some people, you know, over people please, and their empathy is, you know, it just becomes, you know, self-loathing, and that's not good. All right. So here's something that I want you to really sit with, right? And ask yourself this what has made self-love difficult for me in the past, okay? And where have you sabotaged yourself? Because if we don't love ourselves and we can't care for ourselves, then we sabotage ourselves. Okay. And when we look at that, where does it come from? What's that negative thought pattern that sits in your mind that says, oh, I can't do that, that wouldn't be right. Uh I can't think that big, I can't, you know, take care of myself like that. Has it come from your past? Does it come from your parents? Does it come from your peers? Does it come from the people you're around now? You know, and if you're in recovery, how are you taking yourself, taking care of yourself now? How are you loving yourself? How are you treating yourself? Because if we don't treat ourselves right, remember we can't treat others right. Right? And what are we doing to protect our recovery? How are we setting boundaries? Right? And and this month, think about this. And it's small, always small. Think about something you could do right now to take care of yourself. Is it, I don't know, go for a massage, you know, go out for dinner. And here's another thing. I actually like to eat by myself all the time. I spent a lot of time traveling. So I really enjoy going to a movie by myself, you know, reading alone. I love being alone by myself. And I always used to say to people, it's better to be alone by yourself than be alone and feel alone in a crowded room. As I spent years not taking care of myself, thinking I loved myself, but I really was just destroying myself. Okay, so look at that, right? How can you do something small today and even this month to take care of you? Right. So, you know, here's a here's a few things that always come up, you know. Is it having the courage to talk about your problems? Is it going to a meeting? Okay, um, is it going to help someone else and being of service without being a martyr? Because it's an important thing to remember, okay? If we have issues and problems, we can't distract ourselves with other people's problems and think our problems will go away and we're loving ourselves. I want you to think about that. Service is very important as long as we're not sacrificing who we are when we serve. Okay. A lot of people I know will take on other people's problems to avoid their problems. That is not self-love. Okay, those problems don't go away. That is sabotage. Okay, so right, make sure you understand that service is good as long as you're not sacrificing yourself. There is a balance, and that's where boundaries are important. All right. So if you really are having trouble right now protecting your space and showing yourself, okay, I want you to remember this. Self-love in recovery is never about being perfect or feeling good or great all the time. It's about choosing yourself, your health, your healing, and your future one decision at a time. And I want you to remember this: you are worthy of recovery, and we are all worthy of some peace. And every time you show up for yourself, you strengthen your recovery moment by moment. And I want you to remember this the miracles are in the moments, not in the feelings. It's when we look at life and we go through life struggles and we don't use in the moment, and we have the ability to put ourselves out there and say, I need help, and we can sit through that stuff. That's how the miracles compound. All right. So reach out if you need resources or help. Get through the day, and remember all you have to do is your best right now. Have a great day, and this was another episode of AAC Thrive. I'll see you on the next episode.