Sober & Steady This Holiday

The holidays can be joyful but also stressful, emotional, and full of triggers. In this episode of AAC Thrive, Mike Diamond shares practical tips for staying grounded, protecting your peace, and maintaining sobriety through the season. From setting boundaries and planning to leaning on your support system, this episode helps you navigate the holidays with intention, gratitude, and connection.

AAC Thrive: Doing Life in Recovery is a podcast from American Addiction Centers' Alumni Community, where we have honest conversations about what recovery really looks like after treatment. Subscribe for new episodes and share this one with someone who could use the reminder that recovery doesn't take a vacation.

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Mike Diamond 0:23

I'm Mike Diamond, and welcome to another incredible episode of AAC Thrive. This is episode four. And in episode four, we're going to talk about staying steady through the season. Now, the holidays we all know can be very joyful, but they can all also be stressful. They can be emotional and full of triggers. And what we have to remember is this recovery doesn't pause for the season. And neither should our support or self-care. So tonight I'm going to talk about how to stay steady, grounded, and also connected during the holidays. It's so important that we learn to protect our peace. Because if we don't protect our peace, we won't stay sober. So for a second, think about here. I want you to think back to the holidays and think of one thing you enjoy or look forward to during the holiday seasons. There's probably a lot there. But here's something I want you to think about as well. Think of one thing that tends to stress you out. Now, for me, the holidays can be a little complex because during the holidays as a kid, I didn't have a lot of fun and joy. So now I'm very mindful, especially in my recovery, to set boundaries and make sure that I'm very careful who I surround myself with. Now you have to understand, like I said earlier, the holidays can bring up a lot of emotions. I mean, every emotion can come up. We can feel joyous, we can have a sense of nostalgia. Sometimes we can feel pressured. I know some people, you know, they feel a lot of loneliness, loneliness. And I know a lot of people that unfortunately feel a lot of grief because why? They may have, you know, lost a loved one during the holidays or they may have suffered themselves, and that trauma comes up. So if we want to stay sober through the holidays, because guess what? There will always be holidays, it means we have to start planning ahead. And when we plan ahead, we have to understand that we have to find the right people to lean on, the right support system. And that also means when we find that system, we may have to cut people out and set healthy boundaries. Now, people always ask me, what is a healthy boundary? And I always tell people very simply that if you feel that someone is pressuring you, abusing you, mistreating you, then you have to ask yourself, is this healthy for me? Is taking this abuse healthy for me? And if it isn't, you have to have the courage to say no, set a boundary, and distance yourself from the people that are abusing me. Okay? Now here's another very important thing you have to remember. And I've I always talk about this. You don't have to attend every event, and you are never going to please everyone. Okay. So if I I've said this for years, and my wife, you know, she she she's a drinker, she doesn't drink excessively, she can have one or two. But when we go to Christmas parties or when we have an event, I ask her who's going to be at the event. And I know I only have a little tolerance, right, for drunk people. Because I ran nightclubs for years, and you know, I'm working with addicts daily. So I will tell her, I'll show up for an hour and then I'll leave. Because when she met me, I was sober and she knows who I am. And guess what? All her friends know Mike disappears after an hour. And they just know I'm always sober, and that's how I protect my peace. Okay. And here's a beautiful thing that someone told me in early recovery. They said, you know, your sober life, as you get sober and you start to have these incredible sober birthdays and Christmases and Thanksgiving celebrations, you know, it's okay to create new traditions that show you are living a healthier life and reflect the life you're choosing to live in recovery. But I want you to, you know, understand this. Just because we get sober doesn't mean other people will understand us or see us for who we are, especially if they're still drinking and using. So that's why you must advocate for yourself. Because at the end of the day, if you're an alcoholic or an addict like I am, right? And you choose to people please, any alcoholic and addict knows. We take one drink, or I take one line of cocaine, and the cocaine takes me, and so does the alcohol. And the cocaine never smiles at me and says, you know what, if you snort me now, I'm gonna take you. So that's why we have to be mindful. Okay. So here are a few things that I want you to think about. I want you to think about in the past, what are some triggers or challenges you've faced in the past holidays you've had? And really think about that because that'll help you now really, really look at what you can plan and prepare for. Now, here's another thing. I want you to really ask yourself and think about, you know, what helps you stay connected to your recovery routine, you know, and what do you do when your schedule changes? Because one thing I've always learned is to have a plan, but to make sure you have the ability to pivot. Because if you're not flexible with that plan and you stay rigid, you get frustrated, you get overwhelmed, you get stuck. And if you don't work through that and accept the cards you are dealt, you will alter your mood with drugs and alcohol. It's just the way it is. Here's another thing I want you to think about. How do you handle invitations, family pressure, or being around people who may drink and use? For me, I always use this little trick. When I got now I've been sober coming on 20 years, it's different. But when I first got sober, if I couldn't take someone that was sober with me to an event and everyone in my family was drinking, I would just tell people that I was on some medication, okay, um, and I couldn't drink for the day. Because you have to remember this it is day by day. And I used to think that was a lot of nonsense. And I would watch people in meetings who had, you know, 20, 30 years, and they'd be like, oh, it's really difficult through the holidays. And I'm like, you've got 20 years of sobriety. It's the same process daily. Okay. Now, here's something I want you to think about. Okay. I want you to think of right now three situations that might challenge your sobriety this holiday season. And it could be anything. It could be showing up to uh a birthday, showing up to a Christmas party, showing up to a work party. It could be, you know, I have a perfect example. My son plays um baseball, and for some reason, every every parent at his, you know, baseball, you know, after parties, this is for an eight-year-old, decides to drink, you know, 50 white claws. And I'm like, okay, that's what we're doing now. And I'm the only drunk person, and I feel like I'm, you know, back in the club days, and I'm like, wow, they're just getting smashed at kids' parties. Now I am very sensitive, so I don't worry about it, but it gets a little bit frustrating when I've got some parent who's nine deep into their white claws, like slurring something on me. So start to look at, you know, those events and how they affect you emotionally. And I always like to visualize myself there and say, okay, I'm going to visualize myself there. And I put myself in the situation, I know what it feels like, and I move through it. Here's another thing I want you to think about. What is one healthy coping strategy that you can have when you're dealing with those situations? Now, could you call a sponsor or if you have a case manager or a therapist, could you want to could you attend a meeting before, right? And just say, okay, I'm, you know, hi, I'm Mike. I'm an addict, I'm an alcoholic. I've got this Christmas party in a few hours, or I've got my son's, you know, uh baseball party in a couple of hours. I want to share that, you know, I get really uncomfortable because everyone's drinking all the time. And they, you know, they tell me, oh, come on, man, after 20 years, I'm sure you could have one drink. And I tell people honestly, oh, I could have plenty and I'm not going to have one. And this party will turn up pretty quick. All right. So think of that. And here's another thing. Could you just maybe take a walk, right? Or is it just simply saying, no? Okay. I just, nope, I'm not drinking. And remember, you just have to tell people you're not drinking for today, because that's all we have. Okay. So always remember you have to have a support system and people that understand you, see you for who you are, and who can advocate for you and accept you. Okay. Now, remember this. If you're sober right now, you've worked so hard to get to where you are. Okay. You know, and just because it's holidays, the holidays are going to come and go like the seasons come and go. That doesn't change. And it shouldn't change you. Right. And this is something I want you to remember. The best gift we can give ourselves in life, right, is to be our best selves. And we can only be our best selves if we're working on our recovery, right? And we have to remember that. It's a process. And we always talk about reaching out and we always talk about community. But whether you know this or not, at AAC, we have this incredible community and we have this incredible app. And here's the beautiful thing: it's absolutely free. Okay? You can download it through Apple and Google Play. And it's called AAC Together. And the reason we called it that is because we are here for you and we all come together. All right. So remember, the holidays will not change. When we get sober and we have people in our corner, our perspective changes. And there's this beautiful saying, and Viktor Frankel said it many years ago. He said, the skill is to create a gap from the stimulus coming in and how we choose to respond. So that's what I want you guys to think about. Always have a plan, always have a community, always have the right people around you. And guess what? You'll enjoy the holidays, you'll enjoy the seasons, and you will enjoy life day by day. So go out, be your best selves, have an incredible holiday season, and remember, reach out if you need us. I'm Mike Diamond, and this is another episode of AAC Thrive.